Thursday, August 2, 2007

I Was A Teenaged Blogger

One of the best blogs by a teenager, and I mean that in the most condescending manner possible, is written by Zeke Bartlett, who occasionally is seen dropping by the bookclub with his dad Neil and brother Ethan. Zeke claims he comes for the food, but then why do I have this creepy feeling he also comes...to observe us...?

Here, a snippet from the fifteen-something-year-old, precocious, confessional Lutheran. He uses the third person "bob" to refer to his very own self:

High on God Part I
Wow, Bob must be one serious masochist. For the second time I went to the Calvary Chapel "retreat" (of which I have previously written) to have people do their utmost to brainwash me and turn me into a mindless happyzombie swaying and mumbling to repetitive praise music. Now of course I enjoyed it as I did before, all but the horrible theologyless preachin' and soul-sucking music.
I arrived and threw my things in a tent, hoping that it was the correct one. I spent the next half hour or so wandering around finding people I knew and meeting people I didn't. After a bit we started a game of football and all the testosterone pumped boys ran about tackling each other to the ground, half the time not even caring if that particular person under them had the ball. Of course true, clean fun could not last. Within fifteen minutes the controlling half-adults decided that we couldn't do anything that would help turn us into not-weenies so it declined into girlish touch football.
Eventually we were herded like cattle to the slaughter from the field to the barn/church. There a band (which to them is almost as holy as "pastor dude" himself) began playing horrible, contentless repetitive crap they call "praise music." the sad thing about this particular setting is that the band was actually pretty good. The bass and drums especially were great, taking the occasional flourish to show that they had actually skill and didn't belong with these idiots. At long last we finished and a guy in a pony tail wandered up on stage. He spewed some crap; we prayed the Prayer of the Just ("Lord, we just want to thank you and, just ask your presence here and just...") and then were free to, once again, light things on fire with gasoline.
You know, that third person "Bob" thing still works for me, isn't it strange? And yes, I'll be speaking to him about his unionistic practices. He'll claim he doesn't inhale, you watch.

Zeke's blog also is in the running for one of the coolest names: MENTAL LLAMA

6 comments:

Bob son of Bob said...

to dispell the questoin marks above everyone's heads the name comes from a combination of 2am blog creating and an entire summer spent shoveling llama crap.

Bruce Gee said...

Bob son of bob son of bob: there's that "C" word again! I'm really having trouble tracking just what it means. It appears to be a teenaged multiple-use ninja term. If it means "bad theology", then what does "shovelling llama bad theology" mean? If it means "pandering cheap psychobabble", then how do you shovel THAT?
I'm old, I'm confused.

NOT Freddy Jones said...

Pater and all those other old and cofused people who do not understand the fine and intricate details of modern slang:

That "C" word means whatever the heck we want it to mean.

In this case, I believe it means "Shoveling llama collage scholarship forms."

Bruce Gee said...

There! You see how they pile on??

athena said...

The teenage species tends to just create words, and we change the meaning all the time.

We hardly know what we're saying. =)

Bruce Gee said...

Athena, lass! Tell me the worst "C" word you use is "Chocolate"! Say it's so, say it's so.